Advice: Did I rub myself the wrong way?

Q:
I am 24 years old and have sex occasionally. However I do not get a full erection until I have been rubbed. I sometimes think it is the erection that makes me feel aroused and not the other way.

I had masturbated a lot before the first time I had sex a few years back. Is it because my penis has got used to the rubbing now and needs it?

Earlier I would masturbate on erection or I would get an erection very easily. However later the pleasure and hence masturbation became such an obsession that I would force an erection by rubbing it.

I am abstaining from that now, but do not know how much time it would take to get my penis to forget it needs to be rubbed.

Also I do not feel that lust I used to earlier. Can all this be because of a drop in testosterone level. Should I get it checked or something?

A:
I think the fact that you are feeling less horny combined with the fact that you need more stimulation may point to a medical problem, so I do suggest you see your physician.

Other than that, nothing you've written concerns me. That you need direct stimulation to achieve erection isn't that unusual. And I do understand the obsession thing -- feeling like you have to jerk off even when you're not feeling that horny, but once you get it going...shazzam!

It's possible, but really unlikely you desensitized yourself with all the rubbing. But it's a simple fact, penises want to be rubbed. Your penis will not forget it wants to be rubbed, so go rub one off!

Thank You Bettie

And thank you Cormac.

I've had that problem, but I was 15!

Advice: Why do I like to be humiliated?

Q:
i am a male in my late 30s, i know that i am below average in penis length and girth. this is not the normal type of letter in how to make it bigger etc etc. the thing is i am turned on by it being below average at 3.5 on a good day and if my partner takes the micky out of it and my performance or compares it to past lovers in a derogatory way then wow am i turned on. why would this be i feel that i am normal in all other aspects of my life apart from this where would it have come from? any ideas you may have to help me understand it would be helpful.

A:
If you really need to know the answer to this, you gotta see a shrink. The mind, especially the sexual mind, is a fascinating thing. But since you have a partner, you're having sex, you're getting turned on, perhaps you shouldn't worry about why.

Lots of folks like to be humiliated sexually. Perhaps they are overconfident or overbearing in other parts of their lives. Maybe it fills some deep dark need.

If you're having a good time, don't worry about it so much. But if this nags at you and you really want to know, you're going to have to go for some intensive head shrinkage.

Advice: My guy's too shy to tell me what he likes

Q:
I've been dating this guy for 7 months now, and things are going really well. My only concern is when it comes to sex. I'm worried that I'm not giving him what he wants, like something is missing. It has even happened a time or two where he has lost his erection, and he'd only get off if I gave him a BJ. This leaves me feeling frustrated. I've tried to get him to open up and tell me what he wants, and what he likes. Including him I've only had sex with six people, and it wasn't very frequent with any of them (two were just one time things). He's had a lot more experience, but is very very shy. I think this is why he doesn't want to tell me what he wants.

What are some things that I can suggest to help spice things up and get him really excited? I know he likes it a little on the rougher side...what can I do in that regard? How do I learn to talk dirty to him, which I believe he also enjoys? I'm on the shy and inexperienced side of the scale, so I definitely need some advice. I also like it kinda rough, so it wouldn't be going against what I like...I just don't know where to start! Thanks for your advice.

A:
I'm getting a little sick and tired of guys who won't say what they want.

Here's what I suggest: Tell him you'll make all his sexual dreams and fantasies come true. Just one requirement: He needs to tell you what they are.

You and he should talk about this stuff not when you're in the bedroom, but some other place and time. Then you can make an action plan. "Rough" means different things to different people. Talk it out over breakfast sometime. Then go for it.

Him going soft during intercourse may not have anything to do with boredom. He might need a different position to create the right stimulation. No talk, no satisfaction.

The way to learn to talk dirty, if that's what you want, is to not be too conscious about. Say whatever comes into your mind when he's fucking you.

Why is Kentucky selling sex slime?

Advice: Are men in their 40s too old to want sex?

Q:
I'm in love with a 42 year-old divorced man, and am only 18. We've been together for almost two years. There was a time when i caught him doing it with another woman and eventually after the long talk i ended up forgiving him and loving him more. During our first months together the sex was great but seldom happens. until it reached to the point where we barely had sex. and so i ended up entertaining guys to somehow ease the tension of wanting to have sex but whenever the chance comes i feel guilty and so i end up refusing the guy.

I tried to talk to him about me wanting to have sex but he always makes age as an excuse, like older people are way matured and their libido isn't like what young people have. So other than sex all we do is he fingers me while playing my breast, i give him a blow job and nothing else. he doesn't even kiss me in the lips. what could this mean? I need advice, because i am way tired and frustrated about the way he acts? is it only because of the age?

A:
From your point of view 42 seems old. And yes, most 42-year-old men can't cum three times in an hour like a boy your age. But a a rule they are still very sexually active and very horny, especially for 18-year-old chippies like yourself. You did notice him having sex with someone else, right?

Basically, he's bored with you and I'm not sure why he's still stringing you along. Maybe it's good for his ego. I suggest you get out of this relationship as fast as you can and look for someone just a little closer to your own age.

Advice: Older Married Sex

Q:
i am 76 my wife is 74 we have sex once a week. i take viagra we have sex for about 2 or 3 minutes then i get soft so then i do oral on her n she gets wild when she cums n i love doing it to her. then i watch a porn movie n can cum no problem but not while we are having sex

A:
First, congratulations on having an active sex life in your 70s. A lot of folks just give up and there's no reason to barring medical problems.

It sounds to me that intercourse isn't stimulating enough, at least not the way you are doing it. You may need direct stimulation of your balls while you're having sex.

I don't know how limber you and your wife are, but one good way to accomplish this is to do it doggie style and have her reach back with one hand to lightly massage and squeeze your sac. as well she can stimulate your perineum and around your butthole if you're comfortable with that.

If you can't make it happen during intercourse, no problem. But it sounds like after you make her cum you're on your own? She should participate in your final act. With or without the porn, she can do oral, help you with her hands (you wank while she plays with your balls, for instance), or just kiss you while you jerk off.

Advice: How Do I Give a Better Blow Job?

Q:
I need help. I haven't had much experience in the bed, and it shows. Went i went down on my man for the first (and last) time, i had absolutely no idea what to do. and he didn't cum. he loves me enough to be patient, but he's quite shy and isn't comfortable with telling me/showing me exactly how he wants to be touched. I know everyone has different tastes when it comes to oral sex, but could you give me the basic guidelines to the most mind blowing blow job ever?

I love him and i want to make him happy.
please help.

A:
You need to know that not every guy will come from a blow job. And the fact that he didn't isn't proof you weren't bringing him pleasure. Of course, since he's a Silent Sam, it's also possible he wasn't having a good time.

I have to state here that while no-one wants to have to give constant instructions to their partners, we are each unique in how we're built and what we respond to, so it's really unfair to yourself and your partner to refrain from some amount of guidance and feedback.

There are a number of great guides to giving b.j.s on the web, so I won't try to top them. Try here and here and here and here and here.

I would say, for starters, be careful to shield your teeth. Relax and enjoy yourself. If you think of this is a big lollipop or ice cream pop it's hard to go wrong.

Bless you for wanting to please him this way. And by the way, what is he doing for you orally?