Please, Sir

A number of years ago, I had the unique experience of a girlfriend saying to me, "I want to be your sex slave." I had never engaged in any BDSM. My sex life until then was pure vanilla. I am an ardent feminist who participated in the equal rights protest of August 26, 1970.

So the thought of physically subjugating a woman should have been troubling to me. Yet it wasn't. I guess the difference is that it was her choice. We proceeded to enjoy a couple of years of bondage, spanking, nipple clamps, rape scenarios and more. Eventually the relationship ended for the usual reasons.

I'm a guy who had never hit a woman. Hell, I've never hit a man. I am peaceful and mellow. Yet I took to this quite naturally. I called her horrible names, hit her face, breasts and butt, forced myself on her orally and otherwise. Kept her blindfolded and lashed to a beam in her garage while I waited and teased. She was scared. She cried. She came, powerfully. So did I for that matter. It's certainly made me think about the roles of men and women, the common unconscious and all that.

Rachel Kramer Bussel's collection, Please Sir, Erotic Stories of Female Submission, contains 22 stories by women. I love reading about submission from the woman's point of view. I don't know if voluntary female submission is more common than it once was, or if we're just in a more enlightened age when it's OK to write about it, and sometimes even OK to tell your friends. Either way, I am enjoying this collection because it gives me insights to how and why women want to submit, and it makes me hard as hell.

So while I think these stories were written primarily for women, I strongly encourage men to read them. Especially if you're BDSM-curious, or just intrigued. The stories are beautifully written (of course, Rachel selected them), funny at times and unvaryingly hot. Both through the stories themselves and the act of reading them and being aroused, you realize the power of the word, the idea to arouse the strongest desires a person can know.

Here are a few excerpts to whet your whistle, so to speak:

"I honestly feel like I might come right there in my mother's dining room in the soft glow of white Christmas lights under the sharp and critical gaze of distant relatives.The thought alone nearly trips me into orgasm."

"I wanted him to throw me down, ram his cock into me and fuck me hard, take full control of me, of him of -- everything."

"Enough suction? Too much in the way of teeth? You can tell her, you know. Whatever you want, she'll do it."

Follow the virtual book tour for Please Sir to see what others have to say here.

Advice: Can a feminist be a sub?

Q:
Before I go any farther, I'd like to state that I am a woman, and a strong-willed, modern one at that, someone who comes from a long line of independent feminists. That's one of the reasons that the following have started to make me think. You see, I seem to have an issue with women.

When I masturbate, whether I'm watching something or just fantasizing, pretty much the only situations that get me off are D/s, BDSM. bondage, or forced orgasm. Anything where the woman is in the weaker position, and held/tied down and forced to feel pleasure, whether she wants it or not. I've fantasized about being raped, gangbanged, about being part of a D/s relationship, I used to go through elaborate ways of tying myself down... the thing is that nothing else turns me on like these things do. Loving, romantic, gentle sex is...fine, but not something that gets me excited. I want screaming, crying, begging...but if the woman starts to show any sign of being in power, that's it for me. Takes me completely out of it. I don't get it.

Another thing is that again, when masturbating, it cannot be me doing it, or it doesn't work. I have to have a hands-free vibe or one I can slip into my underwear and press against. My hands can be on my breasts and it doesn't matter that they're mine...but I cannot be "in control" of any pleasure I receive or else any fantasy completely shatters and I never orgasm.

...What's wrong with me?

A:
Dr. Sensu assures you there is nothing wrong with you.

I'm sure the shrinks have theories about why certain things are turn-ons for certain people, especially when those turn-ons seem in conflict with other aspects of the individual. I choose not to worry about that shit. My philosophy is that if it feels good and nobody is getting coerced or hurt, just lie back and enjoy it.

Instead or worrying about or fighting that which turns you on, explore it. Find the greatest pleasure and excitement you can.

You don't say what your non-masturbatory sex life is like. I can speak about this from personal experience. At middle age I was single and got into a relationship. We were having fun being together, but the sexual sparks weren't really there. Then she confided that she had always fantasized about some of the same things you do and would like me to take her into that world. I had absolutely no experience with this, nor had I even fantasized about it. I am a strong feminist, opposed to any form of subjugation or inequality of women, yet I performed rape fantasies with her and liked it. I do nothing of this in my current relationship and am perfectly happy about that, but am grateful for the experiences I had with her. It's hard to describe, but I discovered aspects of myself I didn't know were there.

Enjoy your masturbation, and perhaps if you're really fortunate you'll find someone you will feel safe with to explore your deepest fantasies and desires.