Monday, October 09, 2006

the next best thing to hotel sex...

...is hotel masturbation.

Alone in a room, away from home and family, it's just so much easier to conjure rich fantasies. Sometimes those fantasies are fueled by women I've seen in the lobby or elevator.

Plus there is no concern about someone walking in on me, or someone needing to use the bathroom while I am, ahem, busy, or hearing voices in the house that distract me from my mission. I can relax and proceed.

If I'm going strong, I might go 2-3 times a day during a hotel stay, while at home I'm a once-a-day guy at best.

I am very respectful and do not shoot seed on carpet, bedspread or other fibers. Remember that TV show a few years back where they used ultra-violet light to discern semen on the bedspreads in hotel rooms? Gross. Ever since then, when I check into a room I immediately pull the spread off the bed with as little direct contact as possible.

If I want added inspiration, I bring a magazine. No, not porn, not Playboy. I bring Cosmo. The sex stories are better than Penthouse Forum and there are lots of great fashion and underwear articles and ads. Plus I always enjoy reading what men really want in bed.

7 comments:

katie schwartz said...

you are so funny!!! I love this. now, do you jerk off in the shower? the bathroom or in bed? in summary, what's the hotel masturbation protocol? spill, child, spill.

Anonymous said...

Interesting... I'd love a hotel room to myself! I've only stayed in a hotel once and then I was so drunk I passed out on the bed in my clothes and so had no chance to.... umm..... make the most of my stay! I can completely understand that though - a hotel is in itself a little fantasy home of sorts... All the better to fantasise in!

xx

Ms Smack said...

Do you think the articles about 'what men really want in bed' are accurate?

Perhaps you could write your 'top 5' requisites of what YOU Want.

:)

Al Sensu said...

Schwartzie - only the bathroom, and I clean up after myself.

Spice - you're young with a lot to live for.

Smack - yes, though as we all know everyone has different stuff that does it for them. And as with all Cosmo how-tos, each article is 98% the same as the last one on that subject. Truly, I like the Confessions best. I will think about your suggestion for posting my top 5. Maybe we can get a meme going.

Ms Smack said...

sounds great Al Sensu :)

Gracie said...

*laughing* at the cosmo!

oh that is hilarious.

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