Saturday, February 28, 2009

Advice: Can't Cum During Intercourse

I'm a 23 year old male. Just got engaged. I'm with the love of my life, and we have a pretty healthy sexual relationship. We have a lot of intercourse when I'm home (I’m an over the road truck driver). When we're having sex I can't cum without jerking myself off to finish. We've tried a lot of things to try to build up the orgasm in me, but nothing seems to work. We've tried lube, candles, porn. But at the end it still comes down to me jacking off in order for me to cum. Is there something wrong with me? Does this happen to a lot of guys? I just want to be able to build up my orgasm and have it without having to pull out of my fiance an jack off. I want to be able to stay in her an build up an for us to cum together for once instead of her cumming, and then I have to pull out an jack off. Please help!

You may or may not have a physiological problem, so my first advice is to see a doctor. You don't say whether you've had sexual relationships before and whether this was an issue if you did.

You may just not be getting the exact stimulation you need from intercourse with your fiance, and it could be attributable to fit, to the amount or lack of natural lubrication or any number of things. One thing I can definitely recommend is that you make love is a position where she can reach your testicles.

For some guys, direct stimulation of the balls is what will bring them over the top. Just give her direction so that what she does is pleasurable for you.

Until you find a solution, try to relax about this. Make sure she's involved in bringing you off after you pull out.  Even if you want to or need to do the handwork, she should not be an idle observor. She can be kissing you and touching your other erotic zones, including your testicles. If sexy/dirty talk helps you, encourage her to do that too. Good luck!

Advice: Easing a wife into different sexual positions


What in your opinion would be the best way to get a wife who is conservative and not open to sexual discussion?

I would love to open her eyes to more than missionary. Any tips?


Sounds like you got one. Just kidding, I know from your subject heading what you mean.

Unfortunately, I think you're going to have to get her to talk, because just flipping her over in bed is not a good approach. Hopefully you have good communication in other aspects of your marriage.

I would find a relaxed time to tell her there's something you want to discuss. Acknowledge that it seems she's uncomfortable talking about sexual matters. Make clear that it's as important to you to be able to talk about your desires as it is to talk about (name another subject, preferably one that's important to her).

Tell her you love her and find her attractive, and that if you didn't you wouldn't be having this discussion. Tell her that you love having sex with her, but desire more variety. Assure her that you're not thinking of anything bizarre or kinky, just that you want to do things differently from time to time. It will give you pleasure. It may even give her pleasure. And promise that if she's open to trying different positions but finds anything you suggest uncomfortable, you'll move on.

If she's not open to having this discussion, I think you need to insist on seeing a marriage therapist, because an entire life is too long to live without at least trying to have a satisfying sex life. If she won't go, go yourself and let her know you are doing so.