Saturday, February 28, 2009

Advice: Easing a wife into different sexual positions

Q:

What in your opinion would be the best way to get a wife who is conservative and not open to sexual discussion?

I would love to open her eyes to more than missionary. Any tips?


A:

Sounds like you got one. Just kidding, I know from your subject heading what you mean.

Unfortunately, I think you're going to have to get her to talk, because just flipping her over in bed is not a good approach. Hopefully you have good communication in other aspects of your marriage.

I would find a relaxed time to tell her there's something you want to discuss. Acknowledge that it seems she's uncomfortable talking about sexual matters. Make clear that it's as important to you to be able to talk about your desires as it is to talk about (name another subject, preferably one that's important to her).

Tell her you love her and find her attractive, and that if you didn't you wouldn't be having this discussion. Tell her that you love having sex with her, but desire more variety. Assure her that you're not thinking of anything bizarre or kinky, just that you want to do things differently from time to time. It will give you pleasure. It may even give her pleasure. And promise that if she's open to trying different positions but finds anything you suggest uncomfortable, you'll move on.

If she's not open to having this discussion, I think you need to insist on seeing a marriage therapist, because an entire life is too long to live without at least trying to have a satisfying sex life. If she won't go, go yourself and let her know you are doing so.

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