Advice: More Trouble Cumming

Q:
I am going through a divorce where she left me for another woman stating that we got married too young. We were married for 29 years. In that time we had a very inadequate sex life due to her issues with weight. My question is that now I have a girlfriend and I really please her. She can' believe That I can keep it
hard for hours and can go all weekend. The problem is that I don't cum and this has never been a problem before. I do ejaculate when I masturbate however. Any suggestions?

A:
You're not alone. Click on the tag below or on the sidebar for "trouble cumming" and you'll see how I've responded to others with this issue.

Advice: She's Never Climaxed

Q:
Here is my problem. Me and my girlfriend have been sexually active since we started dating about a year ago. Also she has never ever had an orgasm, not with me or anyone, not even with herself. I have tried so hard to give her the pleasure she gives me but I just seem to fall short. I personally think that I am to blame, my penis is kind of short and I always orgasm to quickly. What should I do?

A:
Considering she has never orgasmed, you're taking a lot on yourself. Of course it's not your fault. She needs to learn how to orgasm and there are plenty of resources on the internet. As well, she may need some specialized therapy. And there can always be a physiological cause.

Get her to Google "learning how to orgasm" and she'll find a wealth of articles and book suggestions.

My question to you is whether she is very frustrated when you have sex, or seems to be enjoying it and just doesn't climax? My advice is for you not to concentrate on her orgasm until she learns about specific exercises you can help her with, and just concentrate on giving her sensual pleasure. Everyone knows how to receive that. And if you both relax into it, who knows, something good may happen.

Advice: I Can't Cum in There

Q:
I am a male 23 and into my sports a bit. So far whenever i have had sex i have never cum during intercourse. The only way i can cum is when I a wank myself off... it has its advantages but I'm hope its not some sort of dysfunction. There isn't a problem getting hard its just cumming during intercourse. I am too embarrassed to speak to my doc about it . Is there something i can do so that i cum more often naturally.

A:
I know it's hard to talk about sexual matters with your doctor, but I suggest you do or find a doc you are more comfortable with.

You don't say whether you have multiple partners. Because if it's just one it may have to do with that particular fit. Or it could be the positions you use are not the most effective for the friction you need. Or you can try a position where she can reach your testicles and play with them.

I would not characterize it as dysfunction. Every individual has different needs and responses, and those can change over time or be different with different partners.

You may also need more foreplay. It ain't just for chicks. Are you getting manual and oral stimulation before intercourse?

Finally, if this is not really hampering your enjoyment, then perhaps it's not really a problem until such time as you want to have kids. Then you might need some intervention.

If you haven't, see if your girlfriend can help you finish manually. Even if you need your hand on the unit, keep her involved with kissing, playing with your balls or sucking your nipples -- something so that your finish is still part of a mutual sex act.

Advice: Can't Cum During Intercourse

Q:
I'm a 23 year old male. Just got engaged. I'm with the love of my life, and we have a pretty healthy sexual relationship. We have a lot of intercourse when I'm home (I’m an over the road truck driver). When we're having sex I can't cum without jerking myself off to finish. We've tried a lot of things to try to build up the orgasm in me, but nothing seems to work. We've tried lube, candles, porn. But at the end it still comes down to me jacking off in order for me to cum. Is there something wrong with me? Does this happen to a lot of guys? I just want to be able to build up my orgasm and have it without having to pull out of my fiance an jack off. I want to be able to stay in her an build up an for us to cum together for once instead of her cumming, and then I have to pull out an jack off. Please help!

A:

You may or may not have a physiological problem, so my first advice is to see a doctor. You don't say whether you've had sexual relationships before and whether this was an issue if you did.

You may just not be getting the exact stimulation you need from intercourse with your fiance, and it could be attributable to fit, to the amount or lack of natural lubrication or any number of things. One thing I can definitely recommend is that you make love is a position where she can reach your testicles.

For some guys, direct stimulation of the balls is what will bring them over the top. Just give her direction so that what she does is pleasurable for you.

Until you find a solution, try to relax about this. Make sure she's involved in bringing you off after you pull out.  Even if you want to or need to do the handwork, she should not be an idle observor. She can be kissing you and touching your other erotic zones, including your testicles. If sexy/dirty talk helps you, encourage her to do that too. Good luck!