meme, how i hate you, how i hate you

So that twat Katie Schwartz has tagged me for another meme. This is the stupidest meme ever. A waste of time to write, and certainly a waste of time to read. So why did I do it? That bitch controls me -- I'm Jerry Mahoney to her Paul Winchell. Charlie McCarthy to her Edgar Bergen. George W. Bush to her Dick Cheney. Lamb Chop to her Shari Lewis. Kermit to her Frank Oz. William Shakespeare to her Frances Bacon. Linda Lovelace to her Harry Reems. Yes, I'm sucking it big and deep.

DO YOU SNORE?
No, but I schnore. Yes, I am a schnorer.

ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
What's the difference?

WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Going soft at the wrong moment.

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
They hadn't come to the US yet. Yes, I'm that old. Lincoln Logs and Tinkertoys.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF REALITY TV?
1 - not reality 2 - boring as shit 3- except for Cathouse

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I don't use straws, but I like women who suck on them.

WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Still am.

IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
No. But what I really want to do is clone myself, so I can have the meaningful, married life I have now, and my other self can go fuck everything in a skirt.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
Black. What a stupit question.

DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
Yes, after I cum.

HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Nope. Doesn't appeal to me.

ANY SECRET TALENTS?
Oral sex.

WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
Any beach.

CAN YOU SWIM?
Yes.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO?
No, never heard of it.

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
Yes, stopped using aerosols years ago.

HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP?
I actually suck it in and out. Closest I've ever gotten to sucking cock. But I've never counted.

CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
No.

DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
Think I'll stick my dick in an electric and see how it feels.

WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
I don't do it, but 1- I make my living in part off of hunters and 2 - I eat meat and wear leather. So as long as the animal is being put to use, I'm fine with it, and for certain species in certain areas it's a necessary form of conservation.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
I hope so, as it's in my present.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I handwrite as little as possible.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Prudes.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, I LOVE YOU?
This afternoon.

DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
Yes, I'm a sap.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Just about any way except raw. One of my greatest accomplishments was learning how to properly poach them.

ARE BLONDES DUMB?
No. I had a blonde girlfriend once. She looked the dumb blonde part, but turned my head inside out trying to explain string theory to me.

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
In next week's laundry.

WHAT TIME IS IT?
8:22 pm. This is a stupid meme. Why am I answering it?

DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
Studmuffin.

IS MCDONALDS DISGUSTING?
Best french fries in the world.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
Two hours ago. Still stupid.

DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Get me a deep long bathtub and I'll prefer that, but until then, showers.

IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
Yes.

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Oh, yeah.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
No.

WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Sex and food.

CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Creamy, spread all over your breasts with jelly.

CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
I can crack your neck, sucka

HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Yes, hopped up on morphine.

IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
Hell no.

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
God this is a stupid meme. What's the point?

DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
Uhuh.

ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
Yes, but I'm being treated for it.

HAVE YOU READ CATCHER IN THE RYE?
Only on the carousel in Central Park.

DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
Skin Flute.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
I removed some dollars from a stripper's G-string.

CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
I prefer risky sex.

DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
I like to screw in the great outdoors.

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
I don't laugh.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
I believe in John Sebastian.

ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
Tits are a man's best friend.

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
Yes, it's recognized in Judaism. None of this "til death" bullshit. If it works it works, if not...

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
I can't do the Earth walk.

DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
I nveer mkea miskates.

IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
2 degrees at the moment.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Brownies.

DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Answering that would be like answering "are you pregnant" on the medical history form.

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW?
About a dozen. I hate that bitch Schwartz, though.

WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
I zap the commercials on TiVO.

DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
I thought they were out of business. Wishful thinking.

FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
Spirit on the Water - Bob Dylan