So it seems this penguin was driving through a small town when his car broke down. He called AAA, and his car was towed to a local garage where the mechanic told him he would need a couple of hours to check out the problem.
The penguin wasn't in any particular hurry, so he wandered off to look around.
Entering a local supermarket, he bought some fish sticks and some vanilla ice cream for lunch, and then hung out in the frozen foods section until it was time to return to the garage.
The mechanic, seeing him enter the garage, came over, wiping his hands on a rag and shaking his head, saying, "It looks like you blew a seal." Blushing, the penguin quickly wiped his bill with his flippers, and replied, "Oh no! It's just ice cream!"
* * *
An Italian, A frenchman and an Australian are discussing their relative performance in bed.
The Italian says "When I've a finisheda makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa da 6 inches above da bed in ecstacy".
The Frenchman replies "Zat is nothing. When ah 'ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body an zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstacy".
The Aussie says "Strewth mate! thats nuthin, When I've finished shaggin my shiela, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my cock clean on the curtains and She hits the fucking roof!!!"
* * *
A woman says to her girlfriend, "My husband has dandruff."
"So give him Head and Shoulders," her friend answers.
"OK, how do I give Shoulders?"
* * *
A man in a nursing home takes up with one of the female inmates and works out a deal with her where he gets in bed with her each night and she holds his penis as they fall asleep. After several weeks of this, he dumps her for a new partner. The scorned woman questions him, "What's she got that I haven't got?"
The man replies, "Parkinson's".
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