Monday, October 27, 2008

Advice: Anal Angst

Q:
So both my fiance and I (She and I are both 20 years old) want to try Anal Sex. We've tried to do it several times but I can't even get the head in before she wants to stop. We've even tried numbing lubricants but that didn't work. Is there anything that we can do?????

A:
I have to begin with what may be a startling admission: Al Sensu has never had anal sex. I haven't been with someone who was into it and I haven't been intrigued enough to ask for it.

That said, I still have advice, of course.

First a question: Does your woman really want to do this? If she has any doubt, fear or resistance, it will be evidenced in a tightening sphincter. Maybe she does want to do it, but is fearful nonetheless. In that case, I would suggest a lubricant for the head such as alcohol or weed, but just for her. I'm normally in favor of sober sex, but this is an exception.

I hope you're engaging in lots of foreplay. Yes, it doesn't lube the ass, but it creates the right atmosphere and heat for a successful entry. I'll need a female reader to chime in and suggest whether it's better for the woman to have orgasmed first or not, and in this I'm assuming it unlikely she will orgasm during anal sex. However, if either of you can reach out and stimulate her clit while you're doing it, there's a decent chance. It could distract her too.

But first you have to get in. So, relax her mind, do lots of making out and foreplay to really be in the mood, and then take. your. time. Try putting the head at her entrance and not push, while rubbing her clit. Get her going and then very slowly, very gently, see if you can enter a bit. Be very willing to go in just a bit, exit and move on to regular intercourse (please change condoms and/or wash yourself first!!).

If she is still resistant but says she wants to try it, next time try entering her with a well-lubed finger. The time after, try for two fingers. And the next time try anal fucking again.

Finally and most important: Do not make this the focus of your sex life. It jwill just add stress for both of you and will make her feel inadequate. Make the anal attempt a fun part of your sex play, not the end-all (so to speak).



4 comments:

Z said...

I'm no expert, but plenty of anal play and general arousal should help - and she needs to push back. Both partners lying in the spooning position is good, too.

Al Sensu said...

Thanks, Z! I also got a good idea from another blog: Use a butt plug as a "trainer".

Psyche E. said...

you're way off base here... and you're giving bad advice too.

I have been the female on the receiving end (giggle) of anal sex, and I've got to chime in.

The giver can try to relax her by massaging the receiver's anus with his hands. What i like is firm, steady pressure, in a circular motion. (for example, put three or four fingers over your bellybutton, and press, and move the pressure in circles over the bellybutton hole WITHOUT friction. When doing this to her ass, do it without lube for the massage, then use lube warmed to body temperature or slightly warmer -- it's jarring to feel ice-cold lube on your nice warm relaxed butthole -- and massage some more. THEN go for inserting one finger. Then maybe two. Keep moving in circles to relax her more. That sphincter muscle is very strong!

A vibrator on her clit can be kind of fun, btw.

DO NOT USE ANY NUMBING CREAM OR ANY WARMING LUBRICANTS ON THE ANUS.

If you can't give good advice from your own experience, I hope you'd do the research and point your readers to other resources. (Violet Blue, at http://TinyNibbles.com is fantastic) Telling him to get his girl drunk and/or high is not responsible... and i say that regardless of fact that they're both underage.

Al Sensu said...

Psyche,

I actually did refer to other resources in writing the response but your point is fair and I appreciate you chiming in.