Advice: The Young and the Stressed-Out

Q:
okay, so i am a 19 year old full time student in major debt already. i am in a wonderful relationship and have been for the last 3 years. and me and my hubby to be's sex life has suffered from me starting skewl again from high skewl. because i am so stressed out from everything it is really hard not only for me to get into the mood, for me to let him get me into the mood, but when i do, it seems that i only want really kinky games and such. but i miss our origional love making so much, but it seems it just doesnt do it for me anymore. is this just stress or the relationship failing??? also, i have been unable to masterbate while thinking of him. which hasnt ever been a problem before. i find myself more and more thinking of an ex-girlfriend that i know i will never have again. i still find my baby sexy as hell. i really need some help here...

A:
Whoa! You've got a lot goin' on there, missy.

You are definitely stressed and stress will affect your sex life and perhaps your entire relationship. I think you need to look deeper than the sex part. What else is going on with you two? Are you living together? Is he supporting you? Did he go to college? Is he cool with your schooling? Is he acting any differently? If everything but the sex is good, I doubt the relationship is failing. Sex in most long-term relationships evolves and goes through cycles. You may just be on the "rinse" cycle right now.

If you want to get in the mood, you will. If you really want your old style of non-kinky sex, you'll have it. One woman's kinky in another woman's just trying new stuff. Perhaps you just need to try some new tricks. Maybe what you want isn't all that kinky; I can't tell. But given that you've been with this guy since you were 16, sorry, but what do you know?

Thinking about other people when you masturbate doesn't necessarily mean anything. I think most people in a stable relationship fantasize about other people. It even happens while they're having sex with each other. No biggie.

My advice: If the non-sexual part of your relationship is as good as always, take a chill pill. If this is a truly great partnership, you should find a way to give him what he wants and vice versa. And you should both understand when the other isn't up to that at any given time. Make some popcorn, cuddle up and watch a nice movie.

If you have doubts, remember: You are very young. Your sexual self may be telling you that you need to sow some oats and not be tied down.