Advice: I Want to Last Longer

Q:
Hi, I feel i have a real serious problem, i get ejaculated too early while i masterbate, it takes me only 3 minutes to jerk off myself. Similar is the case when i hav sex with my girl friend, please guide me what should i do??

A:
I have to first tell you that lasting three minutes is not premature ejaculation in my book and is, to my understanding, fairly average.

However, there are a number of techniques for training yourself to delay ejaculation. The fact that you have the same problem when jerking off as when having sex is good in a way that you are consistent and trying these techniques on yourself should help. But you also will need your partner's help with some of them when you are together.

Google "delay ejaculation" -- skip all the ads, but try the top results such as this.

Advice: I Can't Cum in There

Q:
I am a male 23 and into my sports a bit. So far whenever i have had sex i have never cum during intercourse. The only way i can cum is when I a wank myself off... it has its advantages but I'm hope its not some sort of dysfunction. There isn't a problem getting hard its just cumming during intercourse. I am too embarrassed to speak to my doc about it . Is there something i can do so that i cum more often naturally.

A:
I know it's hard to talk about sexual matters with your doctor, but I suggest you do or find a doc you are more comfortable with.

You don't say whether you have multiple partners. Because if it's just one it may have to do with that particular fit. Or it could be the positions you use are not the most effective for the friction you need. Or you can try a position where she can reach your testicles and play with them.

I would not characterize it as dysfunction. Every individual has different needs and responses, and those can change over time or be different with different partners.

You may also need more foreplay. It ain't just for chicks. Are you getting manual and oral stimulation before intercourse?

Finally, if this is not really hampering your enjoyment, then perhaps it's not really a problem until such time as you want to have kids. Then you might need some intervention.

If you haven't, see if your girlfriend can help you finish manually. Even if you need your hand on the unit, keep her involved with kissing, playing with your balls or sucking your nipples -- something so that your finish is still part of a mutual sex act.

Advice: Am I a Sex Addict?

Q:
I think I'm a sex addict. I'd be happy going for hours, several times a day, or all day long. I can have multiple orgasms and all that, my gf usually has several orgasms. What can I do to get my gf's libido up? She doesn't want to get on top, she says because she's insecure, and I think partly because she doesn't want to do the work, and she doesn't want to go as long as me.

Everything else is good . .

Do I need to make her eat better and work out so she has more energy (what I've read) or is it something else?

A:
I wouldn't characterize what you describe as sex addition, but you do have a very strong libido.

It sounds like you have an active sex life and your girlfriend climaxes well, so I wouldn't say she has a weak libido. You are just mismatched.

If she wants to be more sexually active, then exercise, diet and supplements are all worth looking into, and you will probably find some good web sites that specifically address female libido.  But I stress that nothing you've said indicates to me she has an underactive libido. If she's happy where she is I would suggest, like many couples, you need to find a compromise.

That compromise might include you masturbating more often. Or her helping you masturbate sometimes. Or her agreeing to sex even though she wasn't exactly in the mood -- sometimes getting started will get a partner in the mood.

This is all a separate issue from her reluctance to be on top. Again, you can only encourage her here. Have you told her that while she may feel insecure, you desire this because she looks great and seeing her on top turns you on? If she's really a limp fish in bed, then you need to address that.

But I think you may just have too much sexual and general energy compared to her. If she is really lacking energy, then joining a health club or engaging in some kind of workout on a regular basis is recommended without regard to your sex life. And certainly diet can be a factor.

Advice: I Wanna Be Cuckolded

Q:
I first came across the term cuckold about 2 years ago. I was able to let a breath out that I had been holding for what seemed like years. For years, I fantasized about an ex girlfriend of mine not wanting to bother with my penis (it is smaller than I would like...about 5 inches at its longest) and wanting to have all her sex with an ex. I would then picture her coming home then telling me to please her orally afterward...with the cream pie still in there. I honestly thought that I was the only man in the world who felt that way. The ultimate humiliation for me was one evening, I'm guessing about 9 or 9:30...in January, we were going someplace and she asked me if she could stop off at a friends house for a few minutes, after about 20 minutes of waiting for her, I honked the horn to let he know that we were running late... after a minute or two, she came to the car very angry and told me she would be out in a couple of minutes. After another 15 minutes and for the first time realizing there were no lights on in the house, I realized what was going on, got very upset, and drove off. Although I was really angry, I found it very arousing and fantasized it for days. She called the next day screaming at me and that is when I realized that I loved sitting out there in the cold waiting for her to make love to her ex. Again, I thought I was the only man in the world that found this erotic. We broke up a week after that, she broke it off, but I still was hoping that she would call and ask me to go down on her. I used to term it them cooking a dinner for me.

I guess my question is, do you find this type of activity erotic and I guess any suggestions on how a middle aged man could find a hot wife or a couple who would be part of a fantasy.

A:
I don't personally find this scenario interesting, but I've seen lots of it around the blogosphere. I think it is one of many kinds of humiliation that are a turn-on for some men and women.

I think it's fine with one caveat: What you're describing is double unprotected sex, first the woman and her ex or boyfriend, and then you being exposed to his semen. I think that's a deal-breaker. Consider other options that might give you the same excitement but be safer. For instance, she keeps the filled condom and shows it to you and describes what she did in great detail while you eat her out.

Now if you're into the humiliation part of it, then you really need to be the one that is cuckolded, thus you need to be in a relationship of some sort.

Certainly if you're willing to play another role you may be able to find couple on Craigslist > casual encounters > mw4m. You could always try running an ad under m4w or m4mw describing what you have in mind. Just know you will get a certain number of phony responses from webcam girls and the like. It's become somewhat useless to browse the w4m listings as 99.8% of them are spam.

But keep searching for real relationships and you may luck out by finding a woman you are compatible with in multiple ways including indulging in your fantasy (and it's not a bad one for her, to have permission to do this!). Once you have her, if she doesn't have an ex or someone to include, it won't be difficult to find a guy to join you from Craigslist.

Advice: Horny & Desperate

Q:
okay I'm 18 and my boyfriend is the same age...... we've been together for like 3 years but we haven't had sex yet... well not vaginally... trust me we do get our freak on but not sex....
okay the problem is these days when i get him excited like in a public place and he cant cum he's in pain ..... but usually when we do do something sexual he doesn't get to cum.... so recently some new rules were enforced.... much to my pain basically anything that would turn him on is out unless its guaranteed that he'll cum. i think my pussy pained me when my brain agreed. all fingering, orals and even phone and cyber sex is out.... so please do you have any advice on the matter? i need some type of help before i explode... I don't know if i can make it till my birthday and we have sex...... please help....

A:
You need to masturbate more.

OK, first of all it's really easy for an 18 year old guy to be excited. I'd say if being turned on is literally painful for him, don't do anything in places where you can't act on it and where it's not OK to finish the job

Next, I may be missing something, but I don't see why you both can't climax, whether by your own or each other's hands or mouths whether enjoying mutual masturbation or oral, or even phone sex. Go for it.

Advice: Another Anal Question

Q:
What happens to the rectum after several penetrations, or continued
anal sex, with a large penis?

A:
Umm, it's easier to take a dump? The non-expert here says that if you've been careful it may be stretched a little or at least more relaxed.

Advice: More Anal Angst

Q:
I have a question, my boyfriend enjoys anal sex however, I can't seem to get comfortable with it. We've tried many things such as different types of lube, and starting off with fingering etc. And it works for a little while but after a minute or two of anal/the fingering, it really starts to hurt. Even if I am well lubricated. We've tried different positions but I am wondering if you have any other advice for me?

A:
As I've mentioned before, I am definitely not an expert on anal. One thing I do know is that it doesn't work for everyone. Perhaps a reader can chime in, because if even fingering is hurting I don't have any ideas. Use his little finger and work up?

The real reason we used to read National Geographic

Posted April 1, 2009 on National Geographic's Intelligent Travel blog.