Q:
I have a question, my boyfriend enjoys anal sex however, I can't seem to get comfortable with it. We've tried many things such as different types of lube, and starting off with fingering etc. And it works for a little while but after a minute or two of anal/the fingering, it really starts to hurt. Even if I am well lubricated. We've tried different positions but I am wondering if you have any other advice for me?
A:
As I've mentioned before, I am definitely not an expert on anal. One thing I do know is that it doesn't work for everyone. Perhaps a reader can chime in, because if even fingering is hurting I don't have any ideas. Use his little finger and work up?
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Advice: More Anal Angst
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1 comment:
It sounds to me like you're too tense. Whether from fear, hesitation, or simply lack of time taken to relax you, I'm not sure. Naturally you're not going to "get comfortable" with it if it always hurts. It seems like any measure taken to relax you or try to get you used to it also centers on your ass. You may need something as simple as a distraction. Oral or a vibe *while* using fingers to try and stretch you out a bit does *wonders* to take your mind off the fingers in your ass. Also, if it feels good and *then* starts to hurt, it could also be that the two of you aren't using enough lube. I know you're thinking "no, that can't possibly be right" but when it comes to the extremely *fragile* skin of your rectum and anus (sorry, biobrat) there's hardly a thing as "too much". He should be re-lubing his fingers every time he adds another or at the least when the friction starts to build up. That area is made to suck up moisture, biologically. So lots and lots of lube and *frequent* re-application is VITAL to enjoying anal sex. Lots of friction may feel good to him, but it'll hurt you like hell back there. So try these two things. Get him to distract you while he's preparing you... (it sounds like you're doing this mainly for him anyway, so that's the least he could do...) and try and get him to reapply lube *before* it starts to hurt. The two of you or you yourself may wanna do some internet researchin' about procedures and things as well.
Another possibility is that, well, you're just not that into it. Scores of women (and even men!) could hardly blame you. You should never feel like you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable. It's hard to relax and enjoy anal when your heart's not in it. If this is the case, I suggest the two of you sit down and have a talk and discuss it. Or else he's going to keep badgering you for it.
I hope this helped you a bit.
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