Advice: Sexually Frustrated Wife

Q:
I am 21 years old and my husband is 23. We have been married for 3 years and have 2 kids. Before the kids came along my husband and I had an amazing sex life. Nothing was off limits and things were great.

Things are nowhere near that now. Now he gets me in the mood and when it seems I'm just getting started, he cums. Sex lasts 10 minutes with 8 being foreplay. I can't stand it. He says he's just so tired from working that he can't hold out and keep going. I always end up disappointed and upset with him and still yearning to have an orgasm. So I masturbate after he goes to sleep.

I don't know what to do! This is ridiculous. What do I do to get him to have sex longer? We've tried different positions to see if that prolongs sex but it just results in an extra minute or so. I'm at the end of my rope. What can I do if there IS anything I can do? Please help!

A:
I guess he's getting what he wants. Have you both not figured out there are other ways to make you happy? Truth is, many if not most women don't orgasm from intercourse even when it lasts.

The first thing you need to do is make it clear to your husband that you need to be satisfied. And that when you are satisfied, he will be rewarded. Yes he works hard but he can rise to the occasion, and you'll make it worth his while with stimulation and teasing along the way, and no pressure once you get to the screwing.

He may need to do some more work before he gets his. Though I can hardly think of it as work. But work together to find ways to stimulate you before intercourse that bring your pleasure and an orgasm -- manual stimulation, cunnilingus, toys or vibrators. So it's not just foreplay, it's your play. You should certainly be pleasuring him as part of this time.

But the idea is that you cum first. Then he gets to fuck and cum too, however quickly he wants.

It's tough to maintain that sexual spark once you have kids, and it's usually the woman that doesn't want sex as much. Since you still have the desire, make some extra effort to insert flirtation and teasing into your lives, even when it won't lead to sex right then, even with the kids around. It will build desire in him and help him remember what you had before there were kids. Then hopefully he'll be more responsive to your needs.