Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Advice: Does an age difference matter?

Well I do not know where to start but I will give it a go. I am 26 (nearly 27 !) and I have started dating a man who is 38.

We met on a dating website and really got attracted to each other. However, we both had doubt about the age difference and did not see each other for a few weeks. However it did not last and we decided to date each other for good, I am comfortable with him but still I feel a bit lost regarding sexual behaviour ...

He is very different from all the other blokes i have been out with. He is a bit sex mad (well just like any men, he likes to mention it and have a joke about it) but in bed he gets rather tired quickly according to me ...I do not want to be rude nor mean but I thought that he would have more experience and more "stamina" than me.

Otherwise it is just that he is actually ...shy. Lots of people talk about sex and do dirty jokes ..but it does not mean they feel comfy in bed isn`t it?

My problem is : I do not know how to talk about it. I am sexually and not that shy usually. But with that guy I do not know what to say nor how to behave (i do not want him to think that I am a bit too naughty ...or too passive). I really do not know how to behave and what to say.

I really enjoy having sex with him, but we seem to struggle a bit. Is it because it is a new relationship? (I had slept with the same lad for 2 years it was a kinda of a challenge for me really!)

Is age affecting your sexual ability and desire? How can I help him having better sex life with (he never said he did not enjoy it, quite the opposite but it does not look like it.) without appearing too mean, naughty or rude?

He is such a lovely guy and he has got everything I have ever wanted ...there is only that problem that I can`t handle.

I feel you are over-thinking this. How to handle this and what to say is to just say what's on your mind. Don't worry about seeming too naughty or the opposite; just be yourself. Now, do it kindly and lovingly, but be straight with him as you have been with me.

Age does affect stamina and sexual performance, however from where I sit, 38 ain't that old. You indeed may just be noticing the difference between the average guy in his 20s and a fellow near 40. And, every individual is different. But it's also possible your guy is out of shape or has some other medical issue that is sapping his energy. His blue talk may be a cover for what he himself senses is inadequacy in the sack. It's also not fair for you to expect he'd have more experience just because he's older. I had sex with only one woman until I was his age and then was cast out into the dating market for the first time since I was 17, so imagine my lack of experience! As well, not every guy is so much a sex fiend, but may feel they have to act like they are.

So tell him you love having sex with him. Tell him your desires and ask how he feels about them. Do this when you're not in bed! Ask him what he wants most from your sex life together. Do this over a nice cup of tea, when you're both relaxed.

No comments: