Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Advice: Trapped in a Boy's Body

Ever since I can remember, I have wished whole-heartedly that I had been born a girl. I fantasise from the perspective of a girl, I have a complete persona as a girl, I admit that I am even one of those people who on occasion pretends to be one online, and I find it really satisfying. I mean, I have chatted with men for a few hours and they want to marry me. I'm good at being a girl.

When I was younger and in uni, I went through a goth phase (who doesn't?) and I dabbled a little with makeup, and occasionally wearing women's underwear, but it really isn't for me. I am not a transvestite, and I don't want to have dozens of operations to make me into a quasi-woman, so I'm not a transsexual either.

But I feel awkward as a man. I'm not manly, but I'm not camp either. Even though I fantasise from a female perspective, I don't feel that I'm gay (not least because I also like women), and if I imagine myself in a relationship with a man it feels wrong. It's pretty frustrating.

I don't really know what I expect you to say, but it's hard to talk about and I've not really discussed it with anyone. I don't feel that it's something I could physically say to anyone I know. I'm pretty shy when it comes to matters of love and sex, at least with people I know in the real world.

I guess there are some fantasies that just can't be fulfilled, and I'm not desperately unhappy as a man. There are benefits (no bleeding from my non-existent vagina every month), like having a much cheaper underwear bill.

Well, anyway, thanks for providing me with an outlet, at least a void, to send this into.

I'm glad you wrote. My only advice is to accept yourself for who you are. I don't expect it's easy, and many will not accept you. While it's fun for you to dabble online and make believe, I think you should explore the real world and hopefully you will find kindred souls and people to love and accept you. And who knows -- maybe there's the perfect match, a girl who feels like a man but likes men!

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