Advice: Did I rub myself the wrong way?

Q:
I am 24 years old and have sex occasionally. However I do not get a full erection until I have been rubbed. I sometimes think it is the erection that makes me feel aroused and not the other way.

I had masturbated a lot before the first time I had sex a few years back. Is it because my penis has got used to the rubbing now and needs it?

Earlier I would masturbate on erection or I would get an erection very easily. However later the pleasure and hence masturbation became such an obsession that I would force an erection by rubbing it.

I am abstaining from that now, but do not know how much time it would take to get my penis to forget it needs to be rubbed.

Also I do not feel that lust I used to earlier. Can all this be because of a drop in testosterone level. Should I get it checked or something?

A:
I think the fact that you are feeling less horny combined with the fact that you need more stimulation may point to a medical problem, so I do suggest you see your physician.

Other than that, nothing you've written concerns me. That you need direct stimulation to achieve erection isn't that unusual. And I do understand the obsession thing -- feeling like you have to jerk off even when you're not feeling that horny, but once you get it going...shazzam!

It's possible, but really unlikely you desensitized yourself with all the rubbing. But it's a simple fact, penises want to be rubbed. Your penis will not forget it wants to be rubbed, so go rub one off!

Thank You Bettie

And thank you Cormac.

I've had that problem, but I was 15!

Advice: Why do I like to be humiliated?

Q:
i am a male in my late 30s, i know that i am below average in penis length and girth. this is not the normal type of letter in how to make it bigger etc etc. the thing is i am turned on by it being below average at 3.5 on a good day and if my partner takes the micky out of it and my performance or compares it to past lovers in a derogatory way then wow am i turned on. why would this be i feel that i am normal in all other aspects of my life apart from this where would it have come from? any ideas you may have to help me understand it would be helpful.

A:
If you really need to know the answer to this, you gotta see a shrink. The mind, especially the sexual mind, is a fascinating thing. But since you have a partner, you're having sex, you're getting turned on, perhaps you shouldn't worry about why.

Lots of folks like to be humiliated sexually. Perhaps they are overconfident or overbearing in other parts of their lives. Maybe it fills some deep dark need.

If you're having a good time, don't worry about it so much. But if this nags at you and you really want to know, you're going to have to go for some intensive head shrinkage.

Advice: My guy's too shy to tell me what he likes

Q:
I've been dating this guy for 7 months now, and things are going really well. My only concern is when it comes to sex. I'm worried that I'm not giving him what he wants, like something is missing. It has even happened a time or two where he has lost his erection, and he'd only get off if I gave him a BJ. This leaves me feeling frustrated. I've tried to get him to open up and tell me what he wants, and what he likes. Including him I've only had sex with six people, and it wasn't very frequent with any of them (two were just one time things). He's had a lot more experience, but is very very shy. I think this is why he doesn't want to tell me what he wants.

What are some things that I can suggest to help spice things up and get him really excited? I know he likes it a little on the rougher side...what can I do in that regard? How do I learn to talk dirty to him, which I believe he also enjoys? I'm on the shy and inexperienced side of the scale, so I definitely need some advice. I also like it kinda rough, so it wouldn't be going against what I like...I just don't know where to start! Thanks for your advice.

A:
I'm getting a little sick and tired of guys who won't say what they want.

Here's what I suggest: Tell him you'll make all his sexual dreams and fantasies come true. Just one requirement: He needs to tell you what they are.

You and he should talk about this stuff not when you're in the bedroom, but some other place and time. Then you can make an action plan. "Rough" means different things to different people. Talk it out over breakfast sometime. Then go for it.

Him going soft during intercourse may not have anything to do with boredom. He might need a different position to create the right stimulation. No talk, no satisfaction.

The way to learn to talk dirty, if that's what you want, is to not be too conscious about. Say whatever comes into your mind when he's fucking you.

Why is Kentucky selling sex slime?

Advice: Are men in their 40s too old to want sex?

Q:
I'm in love with a 42 year-old divorced man, and am only 18. We've been together for almost two years. There was a time when i caught him doing it with another woman and eventually after the long talk i ended up forgiving him and loving him more. During our first months together the sex was great but seldom happens. until it reached to the point where we barely had sex. and so i ended up entertaining guys to somehow ease the tension of wanting to have sex but whenever the chance comes i feel guilty and so i end up refusing the guy.

I tried to talk to him about me wanting to have sex but he always makes age as an excuse, like older people are way matured and their libido isn't like what young people have. So other than sex all we do is he fingers me while playing my breast, i give him a blow job and nothing else. he doesn't even kiss me in the lips. what could this mean? I need advice, because i am way tired and frustrated about the way he acts? is it only because of the age?

A:
From your point of view 42 seems old. And yes, most 42-year-old men can't cum three times in an hour like a boy your age. But a a rule they are still very sexually active and very horny, especially for 18-year-old chippies like yourself. You did notice him having sex with someone else, right?

Basically, he's bored with you and I'm not sure why he's still stringing you along. Maybe it's good for his ego. I suggest you get out of this relationship as fast as you can and look for someone just a little closer to your own age.

Advice: Older Married Sex

Q:
i am 76 my wife is 74 we have sex once a week. i take viagra we have sex for about 2 or 3 minutes then i get soft so then i do oral on her n she gets wild when she cums n i love doing it to her. then i watch a porn movie n can cum no problem but not while we are having sex

A:
First, congratulations on having an active sex life in your 70s. A lot of folks just give up and there's no reason to barring medical problems.

It sounds to me that intercourse isn't stimulating enough, at least not the way you are doing it. You may need direct stimulation of your balls while you're having sex.

I don't know how limber you and your wife are, but one good way to accomplish this is to do it doggie style and have her reach back with one hand to lightly massage and squeeze your sac. as well she can stimulate your perineum and around your butthole if you're comfortable with that.

If you can't make it happen during intercourse, no problem. But it sounds like after you make her cum you're on your own? She should participate in your final act. With or without the porn, she can do oral, help you with her hands (you wank while she plays with your balls, for instance), or just kiss you while you jerk off.

Advice: How Do I Give a Better Blow Job?

Q:
I need help. I haven't had much experience in the bed, and it shows. Went i went down on my man for the first (and last) time, i had absolutely no idea what to do. and he didn't cum. he loves me enough to be patient, but he's quite shy and isn't comfortable with telling me/showing me exactly how he wants to be touched. I know everyone has different tastes when it comes to oral sex, but could you give me the basic guidelines to the most mind blowing blow job ever?

I love him and i want to make him happy.
please help.

A:
You need to know that not every guy will come from a blow job. And the fact that he didn't isn't proof you weren't bringing him pleasure. Of course, since he's a Silent Sam, it's also possible he wasn't having a good time.

I have to state here that while no-one wants to have to give constant instructions to their partners, we are each unique in how we're built and what we respond to, so it's really unfair to yourself and your partner to refrain from some amount of guidance and feedback.

There are a number of great guides to giving b.j.s on the web, so I won't try to top them. Try here and here and here and here and here.

I would say, for starters, be careful to shield your teeth. Relax and enjoy yourself. If you think of this is a big lollipop or ice cream pop it's hard to go wrong.

Bless you for wanting to please him this way. And by the way, what is he doing for you orally?

Advice: I Fucked His Best Friend

Q:
Hi, I'm married for 3 years to my husband but I got the hots for his best friend and I just had sex with him and I enjoyed it. I don't know what to do because now I kind of gotten used to want his best friend. Please, I need an advice!

A:
Well, you'll just have to get unused to it.

I'm not much of a moralist when it comes to sex outside of marriage, but this is where I draw a line. That ain't much of a best friend your husband has.

Desire is desire and it's hard to say "no" but sometimes it has to be done. You should not have offered yourself to him and he absolutely should not have accepted.

If he were a real friend he would have made you feel bad enough about wanting to step out on your man that you wouldn't have done it again.

OK, so here we are. You fucked him and you want to again. And it seems he'll certainly take you up on it again.

You should do your best to avoid being anywhere near this man, but you must not arouse your husband's suspicions. Oh, and you must never ever tell your husband what happened. If you feel guilty, that's your price to pay.

If you don't feel guilty, you need to re-examine this marriage.

Advice: Sexually Frustrated Wife

Q:
I am 21 years old and my husband is 23. We have been married for 3 years and have 2 kids. Before the kids came along my husband and I had an amazing sex life. Nothing was off limits and things were great.

Things are nowhere near that now. Now he gets me in the mood and when it seems I'm just getting started, he cums. Sex lasts 10 minutes with 8 being foreplay. I can't stand it. He says he's just so tired from working that he can't hold out and keep going. I always end up disappointed and upset with him and still yearning to have an orgasm. So I masturbate after he goes to sleep.

I don't know what to do! This is ridiculous. What do I do to get him to have sex longer? We've tried different positions to see if that prolongs sex but it just results in an extra minute or so. I'm at the end of my rope. What can I do if there IS anything I can do? Please help!

A:
I guess he's getting what he wants. Have you both not figured out there are other ways to make you happy? Truth is, many if not most women don't orgasm from intercourse even when it lasts.

The first thing you need to do is make it clear to your husband that you need to be satisfied. And that when you are satisfied, he will be rewarded. Yes he works hard but he can rise to the occasion, and you'll make it worth his while with stimulation and teasing along the way, and no pressure once you get to the screwing.

He may need to do some more work before he gets his. Though I can hardly think of it as work. But work together to find ways to stimulate you before intercourse that bring your pleasure and an orgasm -- manual stimulation, cunnilingus, toys or vibrators. So it's not just foreplay, it's your play. You should certainly be pleasuring him as part of this time.

But the idea is that you cum first. Then he gets to fuck and cum too, however quickly he wants.

It's tough to maintain that sexual spark once you have kids, and it's usually the woman that doesn't want sex as much. Since you still have the desire, make some extra effort to insert flirtation and teasing into your lives, even when it won't lead to sex right then, even with the kids around. It will build desire in him and help him remember what you had before there were kids. Then hopefully he'll be more responsive to your needs.

Advice: I Can't Come II

Q:
I really need your help. I'm not allowed to by sex toys and I just can't cum!!! I tried rubbing it really hard but I get scared and have to stop...by the way i am 18 ... PLEASE HELP! A toothbrush doesn't work either. I really want to cum! I don't have a boyfriend to help me and my parents hate sex by the way. help...

A:
Rubbing it really hard probably isn't the best way to get there. I can tell you're frustrated, but you're going to need to be calm. And relaxed. And gentle with yourself.

First, go to a drugstore and buy a lubricant such as K-Y Warming Liquid. Choose a time when you have plenty of time and aren't worried about parentus interruptus.

Get warm and cozy and naked in your bed. Don't go right for it. Take some time to appreciate how your hands feel touching yourself all over your body. Lightly brush against your nipples. If that feels good, try pinching them a little, perhaps licking your fingers and touching them to your nipples.

As you begin to get excited then, use some of the lube and start rubbing around your clitoris. Touch yourself all over your genital area. If you like having your nipples stimulated keep one hand there and the other below.

Relax into your desire. Don't go fast. Don't go hard. At least not yet. Imagine a very desirable man is with you sucking your nipples, then licking your clit, and then entering you. Imagine him fucking you and you responding.

Let your instincts take over and hopefully you'll find success.

Erotomania

I just finished reading Erotomania: A Romance by Francis Levy.

I'm a slow reader, so it took me a few weeks to get through it. During much of that time I was intensely aroused. Then I was grossed out, but intrigued. Then I never wanted to eat again.

This novel is scorchingly hot, screamingly funny and seriously disturbing.

The Village Voice had it right when it headlined its review "Read Book, Wash Hands".

The story begins with a couple who have sex daily, are anonymous to each other, and cum so hard they suffer temporary amnesia each time.

Their relationship progresses (?) from there.

It's a hell of a great read.

Advice: Licking Your Own Lollipop

Q:
hi there long time reader first time writer. I have been wanting to try and give myself oral pleasure for a while. after a few min of trying my bk hurts and i have to rest. I am 26/m i have wanted to taste myself for quite some time. Can u help me and tell me some easy tricks to help me with my desire/problem?

A:
I assume this is a man writing. They key to success is the right combination of flexibility and penis length.

There are several positions to try, all easily found on the internet by searching "autofellatio".

I recommend you take up yoga with at least weekly classes and a daily at-home practice. It will teach you to stretch in new and effective ways.

Advice: HIV & Oral Stuff

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Advice: Lasting Longer

Q:
I am Mirthula 25 yrs old girl from India. Please give tips for prolonged erection and long time intercourse. My partner mostly cum very fast and sometimes not able to maintain erection for a long time. Please advice

A:
There are a number of techniques that you can try. One is called "stop-start". If your partner can identify the moment before he reaches a point of no return, you should both stop moving until the urge subsides, then start again, then stop again several times. One benefit is that for some men, their orgasm when they finally have it is much stronger. You might even test this method as a way of giving him a hand job, where you are more in control. If you can learn the signs of him getting close, you can not only stop moving, but apply pressure to the head of his penis for a while. When he relaxes a bit, start over.

Also, if when you begin intercourse he is thrusting rapidly, an idea is to just slow it down. Calm, slow movement enhance the sensuality and should make the experience last longer.

Assuming your partner is young like you are, he can probably regain an erection fairly soon after ejaculating. Why not give him a hand or blow job first and then move to intercourse for a second round. If he is a generous lover, he should return the favor. He can go down on you while he's waiting to get his hard-on back. Not that you want to get into counting orgasms, but it's the least he can do!

One more technique he can try: as he's getting close to orgasm he should squeeze his pelvic floor muscles. It's the same action he'd use to stop urinating. Exercising those muscles, often called Kegels, has many benefits.

Advice: Yes You Can... Catch Something

Q:
Now that i am old enough i have been experimenting with lots of different things. One of the things i have just been trying is oral sex... and i must admit that i love it. About a month ago a friend took me to an adult theater. Oh my god! To make a long story short, i ending up sucking off 3 guys in the back of the theater and swallowing their sperm. Now i go every chance i get and always end up with several loads of sperm in my belly, i am addicted. Of course i am worried about what could happen. my question is: do i have to be worried about AIDS or other STDs? What is your advise ? thankyou.

A:
The simple answer is that yes, you are at risk for acquiring HIV or certain other STDs. The odds of catching something are very low, but is it worth putting your health at serious risk for anonymous blow jobs?

Swallowing and spitting likely have the same amount of risk. Even if he pulls out, there's pre-cum. So the long and short of it (hehe) is: this isn't the riskiest behavior, but it's risky nonetheless.

There was a time when I was seeing two women who were both nurses, and they wouldn't put my dick in their mouths without a condom. I made sure to get some nice flavored ones.

I suggest you get a boyfriend who loves blow jobs and can come multiple times in a session. Have him tested, and if he checks out then go to the theater with him and have him pretend he's a few different guys. You'll get your kicks and he'll be very grateful.

sugasm #152

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #153? Submit a link to your best post of the week by emailing me directly at radicalvixenatgmaildotcom

This Week’s Picks

Sugarbutch Star: Maze - The Girl in the Red Dress

“She’s the kind of girl who brings out the worst in me.”

treat or … fuck

“He looked like I had just given him a car for Christmas and he gently took my hand and led me upstairs. ”

A Life Exposed and Amplified

“We were breaking the rules and being dirty.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice

I told him I loved him. He gave me a pen.

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Break On Through

Eiffel Tower

Fast Jenny

A Few Orgasms Before Bed

Geisha

Goodbye, my Love

lustlustlust

Mexican Girlfriend

Mixing business and pleasure

Mistaken Identity

Unblemished

Sex Advice

How to Have Anal Sex with a Big Penis

Is Fantasizing Wrong?

Is Sex Without Oral a Dealbreaker? You Decide.

Lasting Longer in Bed

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Georgia Jones wants to go for a ride

HNT. Forest Nymph

HNT! (One more cherry, popped.)

Kamila - The Restoration

More from the knee socks series

PSA: Breast Cancer Awareness

Seductor

Sex Work

Dating Civilians 101

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews

A New Twist on an Anal Sex Toy

On Tuesday, Vote for Equality

BDSM & Fetish

-3 Days

Bad Girl

The big dodge

Blind date: Impressions of a Dom

Dirty Boy

egg scissors

Do you want to cum? How bad?

Jake gets Punished in Spanking Movie

Kneeling In Style

Long Night in Thee Cow Shed

Marked: An Open Letter

Mistress by Proxy, part 2 : the slut

The New Bath Brush

Pimping him out

Pondering Piercings

Quickie

Sex Humour

Friday Poem: Achy Achy Cunt

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

HNT-Time

Hubby’s Halloween Hit. Confession #167

The Space Between

Two women, two stories

Advice: Is Fantasizing Wrong?

Q:
Ok so I am a happily married women for the past 13 years. We are very sexual and have always had as much sex as we can handle. My problem? I still LOVE to flirt and have fantasy's about other men and sometimes even women. I have had affair type relationships in the past and then have a few really good years. I always feel horrible and becasue not only is my husband wonderful, handsome and sexy. He is a awesome father to our three children and loves me totaly! I am always checking out other men and even get wet just thinking of them touching me. I don't want to loose my huband and screw things up so is there a help group or something I should do? Could this be a chemical thing? (no I don't do drugs.) Could this be inherited? (My father always had a wandering eye.)

A:
There is nothing wrong with fantasizing, or finding other people attractive. And flirting can be OK too. Monogamy is not a natural state, but I believe it's the best way to maintain a meaningful relationship. Thus we have to find outlets for our natural desires to fuck other people. The safest in every way is masturbating while fantasizing. No-one should feel guilty about this.

It might not work for you two, but you might be able to bring your fantasies openly into the bedroom with some role play or dirty talk. He might get turned on as you verbalize your fantasy about another man. Perhaps as you do this you can masturbate and he can join in by sucking your nipples or other tasty stuff, or he can play the part of that other guy who's "doing" you. Perhaps this will give you both permission to try some new sex tricks or positions.

Have you ever discussed with your husband whether he fantasizes about other women? If he's like most men, I assure you he does. And it may be a relief for him to talk about this with you and have you help him play out some fantasies.

If you feel compelled to act on your desires and fantasies you have to make a choice. As you know, affairs, whether sexual or just romantic, are a problem. I'm not moralizing here. It's just pragmatically true that you can't have an affair and give all you need to give to your marriage and family. An occasional screw on the side, done safely, with someone that you won't be tempted to have an ongoing relationship with, preferably out of town, can work. But you have to resign yourself to never spilling the beans. And you have to be prudent in protecting this fact from your husband. If you're not comfortable with this, do not do it. You may find it worthwhile to see a therapist to help you reconcile your lustful desires with your familial priorities.

Advice: He Outgrew His Toys

Q:
In the past, I used to masturbate to some of the toys I buy, but recently I feel like my penis has gotten bigger to the point that my last toy started to break apart after 2 weeks from the day I bought it. I don't know what to do at this
point and I don't want to buy any more if this keeps up!

A:
Excuse me, but is your name The Incredible Hulk? I think you need a more flexible toy than what you've been buying. Check out Fleshlight.

Advice: I Can't Come

Q:
I have never had an orgasm. I can't orgasm, not through masturbation, penetration, cunnilingus - nothing seems to work. I feel like I am getting so so so incredibly close, my whole body flushes, i start panting, the throbbing between the legs, but so far haven't been able to come (well at least i don't think so). It is driving me up the wall!!! I don't know what to do to push me over the edge to achieve my first big 'O.' Any help would be greatly appreciated.

A:
I think you need some Al Sensu to get you there.

OK, seriously there's a range of possibilities here. Let's start with "I don't think so." If you haven't experienced something that feels like a release of tension and a river of relaxation, you probably have not climaxed.

More likely, it's possible you've now become too focused and are psyching yourself out. So rather than just masturbation, I'm going to suggest you make love to yourself:

Start with a candlelit bubblebath and your favorite music playing. Maybe have a glass of wine there. Just relax into it. While bathing, close your eyes and touch yourself in all the places that give you pleasure. Massage your breasts, touch or squeeze your nipples. Stroke yourself behind your ears, then elbows. Work your way down to your thighs. Lightly press and massage your labia. Do not think of orgasm, think of sensual pleasure. Stop for a while and then start again. When you are ready, exit the bath and dry yourself in your most luxurious towel.

Go to your bedroom and bring those candles and music. Resume touching yourself, but bring more focus to your erongenous zones. As before, do not think of orgasm, think only of pleasure. Pretend you are with a lover and tell him where and how to touch you while your hands play the part. Close your eyes and relax into the sensation. Perhaps you will be sleepy. Then let yourself fall off to sleep and do this again another night.

Perhaps instead you will find your desire building. Go with it. When you stroke your labia and around your vagina and find your clitoris, use a lubricant, perhaps one of the new warming ones. Do not think of orgasm, just let your fingers do the walking, let them decide what do to, how fast and how hard. With your other hand remember the other parts of your body that love pleasure...your ears, your breasts and nipples. Continue giving them pleasure. Do not think of orgasm, think of giving yourself more pleasure.

I think if you do this in a zen way, without purpose or goal beyond experiencing pleasure, you will relax to the point that your body will surprise you and experience a climax.

Also, you should experiment with vibrators. There are many types and different ones work for different women, so you may have to make an investment until you find the perfect one for you.

You should also experiment with dildos as part of this self-play, especially those designed to stimulate the g-spot. Not every women responds to this, but you might be one who does.

Once you've experienced orgasm on your own, you'll have a better idea of how to experience it with a lover. But remember that many women do not orgasm through intercourse or even cunnilingus. If you find that masturbation, either with your hands or a vibrator, works for you, introduce it to your lovemaking. A confident lover won't mind.

If none of these methods works, please visit your gynecologist and discuss this as there can be a physical/medical reason.

Also, consider seeing a sex surrogate. Hopefully there is one in your area trained to assist with this issue. Example. As to vibrators, lubes and dildos, if there is not a good sex-positive shop in your town or you are uncomfortable going there, I recommend Good Vibrations.

Good luck. Now I have turned myself on writing all this and must, ahem...

Advice: The Young and the Stressed-Out

Q:
okay, so i am a 19 year old full time student in major debt already. i am in a wonderful relationship and have been for the last 3 years. and me and my hubby to be's sex life has suffered from me starting skewl again from high skewl. because i am so stressed out from everything it is really hard not only for me to get into the mood, for me to let him get me into the mood, but when i do, it seems that i only want really kinky games and such. but i miss our origional love making so much, but it seems it just doesnt do it for me anymore. is this just stress or the relationship failing??? also, i have been unable to masterbate while thinking of him. which hasnt ever been a problem before. i find myself more and more thinking of an ex-girlfriend that i know i will never have again. i still find my baby sexy as hell. i really need some help here...

A:
Whoa! You've got a lot goin' on there, missy.

You are definitely stressed and stress will affect your sex life and perhaps your entire relationship. I think you need to look deeper than the sex part. What else is going on with you two? Are you living together? Is he supporting you? Did he go to college? Is he cool with your schooling? Is he acting any differently? If everything but the sex is good, I doubt the relationship is failing. Sex in most long-term relationships evolves and goes through cycles. You may just be on the "rinse" cycle right now.

If you want to get in the mood, you will. If you really want your old style of non-kinky sex, you'll have it. One woman's kinky in another woman's just trying new stuff. Perhaps you just need to try some new tricks. Maybe what you want isn't all that kinky; I can't tell. But given that you've been with this guy since you were 16, sorry, but what do you know?

Thinking about other people when you masturbate doesn't necessarily mean anything. I think most people in a stable relationship fantasize about other people. It even happens while they're having sex with each other. No biggie.

My advice: If the non-sexual part of your relationship is as good as always, take a chill pill. If this is a truly great partnership, you should find a way to give him what he wants and vice versa. And you should both understand when the other isn't up to that at any given time. Make some popcorn, cuddle up and watch a nice movie.

If you have doubts, remember: You are very young. Your sexual self may be telling you that you need to sow some oats and not be tied down.

Semi-Celibate Man is Back

Bloggers come and go (or is that cum and go).

I miss Secret Brain, Desireous, Chris, Secretly Sage, Morning Wood and many others. Heck, I've gone through periods of blog-absence and we all have real lives to live.

But one of my favorite bloggers, and someone I consider a virtual friend, is back. It's Semi-Celibate Man.

Check him out.

Advice: Deep Throat

Q:
I'm a married woman who wants to please her man He says that I do, And that I give great head ;I know that it's good because he cums every time BUT I can't deep throat without gagging. I really want to do this for him sooo, could you give me some tips on how to get my throat muscles to relax. I've tried numbing agents but they numb him also and he doesn't like the feeling or lack thereof.

A:
I think you should start by believing your husband. You're giving him great blow jobs and he's cumming (and many of us need manual stimulation from our woman or by our own hand to cum even with great head).

In my opinion, deep throat is more mystique or athletic than pleasure-providing. I'm not saying it isn't good at all, but it will never replace great fellatio technique. I say this only to assure you that if your motivation comes from a feeling that you should be doing it, relax and forget about it.

There are some people who have a gag reflex and there is nothing you can do about it. But if you want to keep trying, I suggest you practice with some object that is approximately the length and -- as importantly -- width of your husband's penis. Be sure it's something you can remove and won't get caught or stuck in your mouth. A cucumber is an obvious possibility. Or the right dildo. Practice when you're not with your husband.

Breathing technique is important. If you've never taken yoga, look for a class that includes or is focused on yogic breathing. It will help you learn to control your breathing while relaxing into it. I think that will help.

If after such attempts you haven't made progress, don't feel bad. Your husband is a lucky man, and I do believe you are making him happy. BJTC (blow jobs to completion) are a gift.

Advice: Anal Angst

Q:
So both my fiance and I (She and I are both 20 years old) want to try Anal Sex. We've tried to do it several times but I can't even get the head in before she wants to stop. We've even tried numbing lubricants but that didn't work. Is there anything that we can do?????

A:
I have to begin with what may be a startling admission: Al Sensu has never had anal sex. I haven't been with someone who was into it and I haven't been intrigued enough to ask for it.

That said, I still have advice, of course.

First a question: Does your woman really want to do this? If she has any doubt, fear or resistance, it will be evidenced in a tightening sphincter. Maybe she does want to do it, but is fearful nonetheless. In that case, I would suggest a lubricant for the head such as alcohol or weed, but just for her. I'm normally in favor of sober sex, but this is an exception.

I hope you're engaging in lots of foreplay. Yes, it doesn't lube the ass, but it creates the right atmosphere and heat for a successful entry. I'll need a female reader to chime in and suggest whether it's better for the woman to have orgasmed first or not, and in this I'm assuming it unlikely she will orgasm during anal sex. However, if either of you can reach out and stimulate her clit while you're doing it, there's a decent chance. It could distract her too.

But first you have to get in. So, relax her mind, do lots of making out and foreplay to really be in the mood, and then take. your. time. Try putting the head at her entrance and not push, while rubbing her clit. Get her going and then very slowly, very gently, see if you can enter a bit. Be very willing to go in just a bit, exit and move on to regular intercourse (please change condoms and/or wash yourself first!!).

If she is still resistant but says she wants to try it, next time try entering her with a well-lubed finger. The time after, try for two fingers. And the next time try anal fucking again.

Finally and most important: Do not make this the focus of your sex life. It jwill just add stress for both of you and will make her feel inadequate. Make the anal attempt a fun part of your sex play, not the end-all (so to speak).

do you like boobs a lot?

Creepy asks, "What's more fun than tits?"

Advice: I Lost My FWB

Q:
Long story short, I recently lost a female best friend (I'm male). We lost our virginity to each other and since then things went downhill, and now she's living with her "fiance" and doesn't want to talk to me any more. I hate being alone while thinking about whatever they're doing, and I'm extremely afraid of approaching girls.

Because I'm not yet 21, I can't go to bars and meet girls there, and I live in the middle of the country where there aren't many social situations. Do you have any advice on where someone who can't get into a bar can meet girls (either for a relationship or casual flings), and how can I get her off my mind?

A:
That will teach you to fuck your friends! Seriously, there are special situations where people can be real friends, but not romantically involved, have sex, and stay friends. But the odds are against it. "Friends with benefits" situations that work are generally people who are really getting together to have sex, and they happen to like each other. But they're not true friends.

You are missing the A-number one place to hook up in Middle America: Church. Doesn't matter what denomination, and the more fire-and-brimstone the better. Those people are repressed and probably quite horny. And the girls your age are likely there to please their parents and are itching to step out.

If you're looking for a real relationship, then choose a church you can abide by, even if you're not a believer. And you don't have to go to services. Join a youth group or one of the many do-gooder activities they have.

If there are enough Jews in your area to have a Synagogue, go there. I can tell you from personal experience, we welcome everyone, and Jewish girls are loose.

While you're waiting for something new to percolate, the best way to get the old friend and her fiance off your mind is to watch lots of youporn.com and redtube.com and masturbate at least twice a day. There won't be much left to think about.

Need Advice?

Last year my friends Aspasia Fern and Miss Smack invited me to guest-write on their sex advice blog. If you're a fan of Literotica you'll remember Aspasia's advice column from a few years ago. I really enjoyed giving bad advice to folks, so asked Aspasia to send me some unanswered emails and I'd give it a try. Watch this space... and if you want Al's advice, send an email to

al (dot) sensu (at) yahoo (dot) com

on my way to England

Read all about it.

MILF For Vice President

OK, until today I had never heard of Sarah Palin. Now I am totally hot for her. Mrs. Sensu saw the announcement and her one comment was that "she has a big rack." That was all I needed to know. She's cute, kinda like Sally Field once was, and a bit like another celeb I've seeded in the photos below. She wants to teach creationism in schools? I'll be happy to re-enact Adam and Eve with her.

golfing with Tony

This scene has my favorite all-time Sopranos line, 49 seconds in....

cohones gigantes

Here's a site with a unique product: Testicles to hang from your car, truck or bike.

I like this concept because with gas nearing $5 a gallon, it's too expensive to operate a monster truck or SUV as proof of your manhood, so just get a set of these to hang on your Prius and you're all set.

how the other half cums

It's one of life's great mysteries: How does the other sex experience orgasm. We know what it feels like to us, but what about the other? Finally, here's insight from Orgasmica.

playing with tara tartley

Follow her game of 20 questions here.

the truth about vegas

Finally watched Havana. Robert Redford plays a gambler who finds meaning in love and selflessness for the first time (shades of Casablanca) as Castro and Che are about to successfully run Battista out of the country.

The girl thought her husband was dead, but Redford not only finds him, but saves him. So he's alone again and wondering what to do, where to go. He asks The Professor, played by Richard Farnsworth, whether he should try Las Vegas.

Farnsworth's dismissive assessment of Vegas (by writer Judith Rascoe) is epic:

"Atom bombs and sandy pussy."

Schwartzy, where were you?

Waiting for her outside

How many for dinner? Just one?

Corned beef, pastrami or brisket?
Or the deli sampler with all three?

Homemade kishke with gravy
(sour pickles and Dr. Brown's black cherry soda not shown)

Man-sized pastrami on rye with mustard

But no Schwartzy.

I didn't have the heart for rugelah.

things are tough all over

An article in Advertising Age discusses marketing of legal brothels in Nevada at a time when business is...very soft. A big part of the problem is the price of diesel, according to George Flint of the Nevada Brothel Owners Association, with this quote for the ages:

"An awful lot of our customers are truckers. It's the disposable income factor: Money for new wristwatches and gettin' laid just isn't there."

It's torpedo tits day on the internets

Two of my favorite bloggers chose vintage pointy-bra ads to illustrate posts today:

Katie Schwartz:



Formerly DCup:

That's Al Sensu, Esquire, to You

Esquire has long been one of my favorite magazines*. I've been reading it on and off for years. It would be worth getting just for A. J. Jacobs' pieces. There are plenty of great tips on how to be a man in today's world, incisive articles on politics, and of course, Women We Love.

It's the Sex advice column that annoys me. It's written by Stacey Grenrock Woods, a comedic actor and writer. Her responses and so flippant and trying so hard to be funny that they are rarely useful. The Advice area is where Playboy shines. I understand that Esquire wants to differentiate itself from Playboy, but this is not the way. A little humor as an aid to delivering good information, sure. But telling a guy who wants to know how to please a woman, "Try rooting around [her clit], see what happens" is not helpful.

* To our younger readers: You may not be familiar with magazines. They're kinda like blogs and web sites, except they're 1/written by professionals and 2/printed on paper. And thanks to the dive in circulations because younger folks aren't buying them, they're exceedingly inexpensive if you subscribe. As a way to consume a mix of long and short form articles, columns and photos, they actually have a damn good user interface. And you don't need to be connected to enjoy them. And for subscribers it's sorta like RSS -- it comes to you. Beats taking your laptop to the john.

Ol' 55

I'm ridin' with Lady Luck

Sugasm #123

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #124? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks

A Seven Letter Word for Flowers

“I breathed into your neck, brushing my lips against your skin.”

Breakfast In Bed

“I rolled her over onto her back and she spread her legs willingly.”

Inked

“How quaint to be wooed with a soft brushing of lips over my fingers.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself

L.A. Bondage

Editor’s Choice

Male spankees and the female gaze

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Blowing Cold

Catalina loves Fetish Friday Pictures

Corset Model Mz. Berlin Is Pin Up Fabulous In This Lovely Pink Corset

Dressed to the nines -HNT

Half-Nekkid with a Strap-On

Hiroshima Circus

The Ideal Man (video)

Jelena Jensen

That Smile

Sex Advice

Pleasure Her With Pearls

Erotic Writing and Experiences

Balcony Fun - Repost

Caught Pt 3

A good time with the neighbor

The Hospital

My wife’s first bi-curious romp

Observations and Suggestions Upon Having Fucked Simultaneously Two Other Sex Bloggers

An Officer and a Gentleman…

Playing

Renewal

The Stranger’s Words

Technology-Foreplay-Sex

BDSM & Fetish

Bend me. break me. As long as I want you, baby, it’s alright.

Electrical Wire Spanking for Masturbating on the Job

Fantasies of a Shoe Store Slut

I Needed Reminding…

A slave’s birthday weekend

A Writing Assignment: P1 - Our First Encounter

Sex Work

Last Night’s Phone and Camshow Recap

Spying On Sex Workers

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships

All These Years

The Cam Lover prepares for Amsterdam sex tour

The great myth of the “Venus corset”

I’m Submissive, Not A Doormat

Lost and Found

Spitzer vs. Clinton: Bill got it for free

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy

Get Paid for Your Orgasms!

Ivy League Confessional: Naked Parties at Yale

Madison Young In A Submissive Latex Femdom Scene On Wired Pussy

My New Thing

Sara Faye And Alexa Jordan Get Abducted During A Rave And Forced To Fuck Each Other